Alas, life does not get easier. But we become stronger because we learn. We will learn how to think, what to do, how to relate to one or another experience. This helps us grow and adapt to changing circumstances instead of fighting windmills. However, some beliefs can take away the false path and harm mental health.
1. “I have to react to everything that bothers me”
Yes, life is cruel, people are unfair, circumstances do not develop as we would like, and even the wind blows in the wrong direction. Of course, it’s normal to get angry and try to somehow respond, express your feelings. Everything would be nothing, but there is one “but”: you cannot react to absolutely everything that hurts you one way or another. There are too many incentives, there will not be enough time or emotional resources for everything.
Learn to determine who and what deserves your attention. What you direct energy to and come to life.
2. “I am my worst mistakes or the most grandiose achievements”
Many are accustomed to believe that we are determined either by our worst mistakes made in the past, or the biggest success. This view of itself is unrealistic and unwell.
We are determined by a lot: personal features and qualities, what we believe in, how we relate to others and how they feel next to us. Those to whom we are not indifferent to do not think about our punctures and triumphs at all.
3. “There must be some material evidence that I have grown up”
Working on ourselves, we often expect that others will appreciate it: they will notice that we began to look different, it is better to
dress, drive a more expensive car. But the bottom line is that internal growth is a much more subtle and intangible process. And, as a rule, it is in no way connected with money and status.
Rather, it is expressed in the fact that we begin to think differently, act differently and somehow change the world for the better.
4. “I am the sum of what they think of me”
To understand how absurd this statement is, it is enough to imagine that each person looks at you through a certain filter: through the prism of his experience, beliefs, expectations, fears.
Opinions of you can constantly change and do not based on anything, and certainly they do not characterize you as a person. It is important how you see yourself and what you want to become.
5. “I have to/should strive for perfection”
All of us settled the idea that life is one big tournament, and we must constantly compete with others, to be better than them, faster, higher, stronger … But this is not so.
The beauty of another person does not detract from our own. Success is not final: if someone has achieved something, this does not mean that he took away our victory. The fact that someone else is happy does not mean that the road to happiness is closed to us. Each of us has its own version of a good, healthy and happy life.
6. “My respect still needs to be earned”
No. Other people deserve your respect by default, even if you are angry right now, or do not agree with them, or in principle you do not like.
When you begin to decide who deserves your respect and why, you drive yourself into the framework of standards and rules, you begin to criticize yourself for mistakes and deny yourself respect.
7. “I love this person, which means that we are destined to be together”
There is no “destined”, there is only a desire of people to be together and do something for a relationship and for each other. It doesn’t matter what exactly you feel that the partner tells you or does not speak, promises if there is an elusive connection between you. If he or she is not ready to invest in a relationship, nothing will work out.
8. “My fate is predetermined”
Considering that life depends on external circumstances, we begin to be afraid of failures. We are worried: what if something goes wrong, we will be forced to turn off the intended path.
When we take responsibility for ourselves, we understand: yes, everything can happen, perhaps the road will make an unexpected round, but we determine the direction of movement and destination ourselves. And, no matter what happens, in our power to decide to get up, shake off, extract a lesson and move on.
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